EVONY TROUBLES

EVONY TROUBLES

 “Honey are you coming to dinner?”

“In a minute,” he said as he furiously built troops. He looked at the screen checking all four of his Evony accounts to make sure he had troops building and enough food to feed them. He was half way stood up when he saw a new entry in his Mjolnir Alliance chat.

<20:13> [XeXo] Andgod needs to quit being a * and * start attacking.

He sat back down.

<20:16> [Andgod] Who we hitting? Coordinates?

<20:20> [XeXo] Toominater at 445, 466. He scouted my city.

Toominater is a tough one, he thought. He started queuing up troops to attack. He sent the maximum amount of archers. “Three hours to march there,” he mumbled under his breath, talking to himself.

“Are you coming to dinner or not?”

“Almost pau.”

<20:28> [Andgod] I sent 1 archer wave. Enough Boss?

<20:38> [XeXo] We have 5 archer waves but can you send a scout bomb too?

He pulled up his city screen. He saw that he had 225 thousand scouts. That means he could send 2 scout bombs since each one was 100 thousand. He set-up the scout attacks so that they would arrive at the same time as his archers. He had to use the camp-time function because scouts are so much faster runners than archers.

<20:45> [Andgod] Ok I sent two bombs.

He went through each of his accounts building troops and checking to make sure nobody had attacked him.

<21:40> [Andgod] BB dinner time.

He stood up and went into the kitchen. No wife, no kids. His plate was on the table but the food was cold. He heard the TV in the living room so he grabbed his plate and wandered in there. “Thanks for the food baby,” he said, while sitting down on the couch next to her.

She turned away slightly and turned up the volume on CSI.

“Where are the kids?”

“In bed,” she replied turning the volume up some more.

He sat there with her eating his cold adobo and rice. Shit, I need to farm some more food for my main city, he thought. “I will be right back. Just have to check something on the computer.”

“Whatever,” she snapped back at him.

What the hell it’s not like I’m going out drinking or cheating on her, he thought as he went back into the room.

<22:13> [Andgod] Ok I’m back. Anything happening?

He typed this while setting –up attacks on neighboring Non Player Controlled cities that they used to farm food out of. He sent 2 attacks which would get him 38 million food or enough to feed his troops for around 4 hours. The attacks take 12 minutes so he slipped over into his other alt account in the alliance Loki.

<22:16> [Andgodss] Anything happening in here tonight?

<22:18> [Raphilass] Not much AG, just killing red cities. What about you?

<22:20> [Andgodss] Not much attacking from my MJ account and building up troops over here. The wife is tripping though. Got all irritated with me just because I was a few minutes late to dinner.

<22:23> [Lady Red] You better be nice to her. Ladies rule the house you know.

<22:24> [Riley] Can anybody share resources? 432, 406. Thanx

He looks at his city for resources.

<22:26> [Andgod]Yeah I got you Riley. 2 million each of Lumber, iron, and food on the way in 12 minutes by horsey.

“Good night,” his wife says without looking at him.

“Night hon, I’ll be up in a minute.”

<22:45> [Andgod] ok back. How are we doing with Toominater?

He looked at the screen and pulled up the tab that showed all the war reports. X’s troops had done well and killed almost half the defending archers. He watched the seconds tick down on his waves. He gave a little yip when he saw his troop progress go from the red of attacking to the blue of returning. He opened up the report. Yes I killed em all! he thought.

<23:01> [Andgod]Toominater is naked. Let’s 0 out his resources!

He sent off attacks using his cavalry because it was faster and could carry more.

<23:19> [Andgod]Anybody here? He has 800 million food left if anybody wants to help me.

<00:00> [Andgod] Well I’m done for the night. Night all!

<00:01> [Konig] AG! Just got up. What’s happening?

<00:03> [Andgod] not much, attacking Toominater. You should send. Lots of food.

<00:05> [Konig] Coordinates? Any defenses?

<00:07> [Andgod] Nope it’s naked. 445, 466

<00:09> [Andgod] Ok need to farm a bit then sleep.

<00:12> [Konig] K. night.

He spent another clicking away at NPC attacks trying to make sure he had enough food to last him at least 1 more day.

He climbed into bed and glanced at the alarm clock, 1:35 AM. Not bad, better than the 3AM I usually go to bed at, he thought. He slid under the covers and tried to snuggle into his wife but she gave a little twitch shaking his arm off of her. I guess she is still upset, oh well, he thought before curling up away from her and falling asleep.

The alarm woke him at 7AM and he stumbled to the bathroom to make shi shi before fast walking back to the room to check his cities real fast before taking the kids to school. He sat down in his computer chair and noticed a post-it stuck in the middle of his shattered screen.

IM AT MY MOTHER’S YOU ASSHOLE!